Note (Feedback given by Professor): You really want to show your marker what exactly you’ve read/learned by detailing key ideas and quotes you’ve drawn from your reading. Let your reader read these quotes for themselves and give us page numbers so we know exactly where it came from.
Or you have to incorporate evidence in a way that gives your reader a stronger sense of the source material for example, you have the following:
“happy life is a choice one must make and work hard to achieve. Partners should accept and learn from criticism without blaming their critics. (Alain de Botton, 2017) The analysis has”
However, this doesn’t give me the information in need as I read.
It could usefully be changed to:
”Philosopher Alain de Botton in his 2016 lecture ‘On Love’ in which he explores what it actually means to live happily ever explores the problem of rejecting criticism from a romantic partner, arguing that, ”then you’d quote from the lecture” (and then explore how that quote relates to your own writing for this unit)
You’d give a timestamp reference for this from the video since you don’t have page numbers for this, eg. at 12 minutes, 11 seconds de Botton states, “then quote him”
Previouss Feedback on Novel Workshop:
Your choice to tackle a number of technical meeting points (tone/personification/pace/resolution) which have occurred naturally between your own creative work and your colleagues, is an organic way to structure the essay. In general, you give a thoughtful response to the piece of creative work and the discussion of it within the workshop, with an account of the implications for the student’s own process in drafting creative work.
Critically speaking, there is a little more room to bring in some scholarly work around the subject of your chosen technical points, as well as other writers on craft (the concluding quote might be more poignant if excerpted) and your own writer’s journey. Only a few inaccuracies compromise the fluency of style in your work. A generous reader and contributor, it has been a pleasure to watch you develop as a writer in this module.